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 Lawak Jenaka

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ciK idA
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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Sun May 04, 2008 12:55 am

xradenchanx wrote:
Lelaki Hensem vs Lelaki x Hensem


Kalau lelaki handsome pendiam
Perempuan akan cakap:: woow, cool giler…
kalau lelaki tak handsome pendiam
Perempuan akan cakap: eh perasan bagus…

kalau lelaki handsome berbuat jahat
Perempuan akan kata: nobody’s perfect
kalau lelaki tak handsome berbuat jahat
perempuan akan cakap: memang…. muka pun macam pecah
rumah!…..

kalau lelaki handsome menolong perempuan yg diganggu
perempuan akan cakap: wah.. machonya.. macam hero filem!
kalau lelaki tak handsome menolong perempuan yang diganggu
Perempuan akan kata: entah2 kawan dia…

kalau lelaki handsome dapat perempuan cantik
perempuan akan kata: sepadan sangat…
kalau lelaki tak handsome dapat perempuan cantik
perempuan akan kata: mesti kena bomoh perempuan tuh!

kalau lelaki handsome ditinggal kekasih
perempuan akan kata: jangan sedih, kan saya ada..
kalau lelaki tak handsome ditinggal kekasih
perempuan akan kata:…(terdiam, tapi telunjuknya
meliuk-liuk dari atas ke bawah, patutlah, tengok saja
luarannya)…

kalau lelaki handsome penyayang binatang
perempuan akan cakap: perasaannya halus…penuh kasih sayang
kalau lelaki tak handsome penyayang binatang
perempuan akan cakap: sesama keluarga memang harus
menyayangi…

kalau lelaki handsome bawa BMW
perempuan akan cakap: matching… hebat luar dalam
kalau lelaki tak handsome bawa BMW
perempuan akan cakap: bang, bosnya mana?…

kalau lelaki handsome tak mau bergambar
perempuan akan cakap: pasti takut kalau2 gambarnya
tersebar
kalau lelaki tak handsome tak mau bergambar
perempuan akan kata: tak sanggup melihat hasilnya ya?…

kalau lelaki handsome menuang air ke gelas perempuan
perempuan akan cakap:ini barulah lelaki gentlemen
kalau lelaki tak handsome menuang air ke gelas perempuan
perempuan akan cakap: naluri pembantu, memang begitu….

kalau lelaki handsome bersedih hati
perempuan akan cakap: let me be your shoulder to cry on
kalau lelaki tak handsome bersedih hati
perempuan akan kata: kuat nangis!! lelaki ke bukan ni?


Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool

hak3...
ak penah dgr kt ERA...

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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Fri May 09, 2008 9:10 pm

kisah isteri dan sosej

Alkisah ada seorang perempuan bisu yang sudahpun berkahwin, pada suatu hari, dia telah ke supermarket untuk membeli daging, tetapi disebabkan dia bisu, dia mempunyai kesusahan untuk berkomunikasi dengan para pekerja di sana.

Disebabkan begitu, dia membuat keputusan untuk memanggil kashier masuk dalam bilik.




Pada hari yang pertama, dia nak beli dada ayam. Dia pun panggil kashier tu masuk dalam bilik sulit, pompuan tu bukak baju dia, tunjuk kat dada dia, pastu buat aksi ayam. Kashier tu pun paham, then dia pun kasi dada ayam kat dier.

Next day, dia nak beli paha ayam. Dia pun panggil kashier masuk bilik, dia angkat skirt dia, tunjuk kat paha dia, pastu buat aksi ayam. Kashier tu pun paham, kasi dia paha ayam.

The next day lagi, dia nak beli hot-dog. Dia pun bawak suami dia.

Soalannya ialah:

Apakah isteri tu akan buat?


















Fikirlah....




















Fikir.......















Tak tau?


















Dia suruh suami dia cakapla sebab....suami dia tak bisu..
Apa yang korang fikirkan ha?

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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Tue Oct 21, 2008 12:00 am

SLIPAR PUNYA PASAL.....


Malaysia pernah dkejutkan dgn pristiwa amuk oleh seorg pesakit mental...
pesakit kemudian ditembak oleh polis stelah menyemblih beberapa org kg...
keluarga mgsa brpindah k kg baru....

mangsa mmpunyai anak lelaki yg dkatakan mwarisi penyakit bapanya..
pnduduk kg brasa tdak tenteram dan takut pristiwa hitam berlaku lg...

nak djadikan crita, satu petang lelaki ni pergi k surau utk mnunaikan solat asar...

slps selesai solat semua pun beredar.tiba2 slipar lelaki trsebut hilang.
dia pun mencari k hulu k hilir mncari sliparnya...
dgn muka yg marah dia msk kdlm surau dan menjerit mggunakan mic...

"WOI!!!! SAPA YANG AMBK SLIPAR AKU BAGI BLK!!! JGN SAMPAI AKU BUAT MACAM AYAH AKU BUAT DULU!!!" Evil or Very Mad

berderau darah penduduk mndgr suara lelaki tu bergema satu kg... pale
kmudian dtg sorg budak terketar2 bawak slipar lelaki trsebut.

"ri..ri...rilek la a..a..abg.. gu..gu..rau pun tak...tak...takkan ttt..tak bb...bleh"

belum sempat lelaki tu kata apa2, lintang pukang budak tu lari...
tok imam dtg kpd lelaki tu (dlm keadaan yg agk takut) dan tanya

"apa yg ayah kamu buat klau dia xjumpa slipar dia"

jawab lelaki tu...



















"dia balik jalan kaki la....."

dgn slamba dia blk k rumah....FuHH!!! tongue


lol!
p/s hanya rekaan semata-mata geek

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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Fri Oct 24, 2008 1:07 pm

hahahaha.....
siot jew...
aku ingatkan dia bunuh gak bdak 2...
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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Sat Oct 25, 2008 2:45 pm

NAK 3G PERCUMA????


=tak perlu hanphone 3G....


=x perlu tukar sim card....


=tak perlu camera...


=tiada kadar caj tersembunyi....









NAK TAHU ???









senang je...

1)pergi kat dpn kwn anda...

2)dail no. kwn anda...

3)tgg sehingga panggilan dijawab...

4)kmudian sembang dgn kwn anda...

5)skrang anda tlah pun mggunakan 3G... senang




p/s: 3G mmboleh kan anda bercakap sambil melihat muka kwn anda
tul dak geek


lol!



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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Sun Oct 26, 2008 3:45 pm

BAS BAS BAS


leman duk kt kg, leman buat bendang, harga beras naik, jadi leman dpt byk

duit.

satu hari, leman p KL first time... katanya nak tengok town.

mula-mula nak p KLCC. masalahnya leman taktau camna nak p.

dia p jumpa polis kat Puduraya.


Polis: ooo... ank nak p KLCC,naa? senang ja ank p dpn Maybank tu, ank
naik bas no. 322

Leman: tima kasih en. polis...


lalu dia pun p tgg kt dpn Maybank

lepas 3 jam anggota polis tu pun habis bertugas..

polis ni pun naik bas gak, maklumlah baru stat kerja.

bila sampai ja kat bus stop dpn Maybank, dia trkejut. affraid

leman masih ada kat situ. lalu dia brtanya kpd Leman confused


Polis: eh... hang kan kt nak p KLCC, awat ank x naik bas 322?

Leman: macammana nak naik, la ni baru bas no. 224...

Polis: !!!!...


lol!

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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:53 pm

BrotherLah wrote:
wakakkaka......

LAPANG?...

ezat ape da...

tanya sket kat aanswer.....btol ke cam tuh...

wkakakaka......


alamak...t'betul la plak

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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Sat Nov 15, 2008 11:34 pm

da_nine wrote:
BAS BAS BAS



leman duk kt kg, leman buat bendang, harga beras naik, jadi leman dpt byk

duit.

satu hari, leman p KL first time... katanya nak tengok town.

mula-mula nak p KLCC. masalahnya leman taktau camna nak p.

dia p jumpa polis kat Puduraya.


Polis: ooo... ank nak p KLCC,naa? senang ja ank p dpn Maybank tu, ank
naik bas no. 322

Leman: tima kasih en. polis...


lalu dia pun p tgg kt dpn Maybank

lepas 3 jam anggota polis tu pun habis bertugas..

polis ni pun naik bas gak, maklumlah baru stat kerja.

bila sampai ja kat bus stop dpn Maybank, dia trkejut. affraid

leman masih ada kat situ. lalu dia brtanya kpd Leman confused


Polis: eh... hang kan kt nak p KLCC, awat ank x naik bas 322?

Leman: macammana nak naik, la ni baru bas no. 224...

Polis: !!!!...


lol!

bdk tuh agk betuah r coz byk gak bas lalu...

klo tmpt tuh cam kg ak...almatnyer...362tawn bdk tuh tggu...xckp2 g 322 bas tuh

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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:23 pm

WATTS AND KNOTTS


KNOTT: "Who's calling?" was the answer to the telephone.

WATT: "Watt."

KNOTT: "What is your name, please?"

WATT: "Watt's my name."

KNOTT: "That's what I asked you. What's your name?"

WATT: "That's what I told you. Watt's my name."

A long pause, and then from Watt,

WATT: "Is this James Brown?"

KNOTT: "No, this is Knott."

WATT: "Please tell me your name."

KNOTT: "Will Knott."

YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED, READTHE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED...

WATT: "Why not?"

KNOTT: "Huh? What do you mean why not?"

WATT: "Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"

KNOTT: "But I told you my name!"

WATT: "Didn't you say you will not?"

KNOTT: "Not not, knott, Will Knott!"

WATT: "That's what I mean."

KNOTT: "So you know my name."

WATT: "Of course not!"

KNOTT: "Good. So now, what is yours?"

WATT: "Watt. Yours?"

KNOTT: "Your name!"

WATT: "Watt's my name."

KNOTT: "How the hell do I know? I am asking you!"

WATT: "Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you have not even told me yours yet."

KNOTT: "You have been patient, what about me? I have told you my name so many times and it is you who have not told me yours yet.

WATT: Of course not!"

KNOTT: "See, you even know my name!"

WATT: "Of course not!"

KNOTT: "Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?"

WATT: "Because I don't."

[Pause]

KNOTT: "What is your name?"

WATT: "See, you know my name!"

KNOTT: "Of course not!"

WATT: "Then why do you keep asking Watt is your name?"

KNOTT: "To find out your name!"

WATT: "But you already know it!"

KNOTT: "What?"

WATT: "See!"

KNOTT: "And you know mine!"

WATT: "Of course not!"

KNOTT: "Exactly!"

NOW THEY ARE AT A POINT WHERE BOTH THINK THE OTHER KNOWS THEIR NAME, BUT THEY THEMSELVES DON'T KNOW THE OTHER'S NAME.

KNOTT: "Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name is, what will be your answer?"

WATT: "Watt's my name."

KNOTT: "No, no, give me only one word."

WATT: "Watt"

KNOTT: "Your name!"

WATT: "Right!"

[pause before it hits him]

KNOTT: "Oh, Wright!"

WATT: "Yeah!"

KNOTT: "So why didn't you say it before?"

WATT: "I told you so many times!"

KNOTT: "You never said Wright before"

WATT: "Of course I did."

KNOTT: "Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?"

WATT: "I do not."

KNOTT: "Well, there you go, now we know each other's name."

WATT: "I do not!"

KNOTT: "Good!"

[pause before it hits him]

WATT: "Oh, Guud!"

KNOTT: "Good."

WATT: "No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?"

KNOTT: "No, it's Knott!"

WATT: "Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud."

KNOTT: "Yes Wright."

NOW THEY BOTH THINK THEY KNOW EACH OTHER'S NAME AS WELL! Watt do you think ?? Do they or do they Knott ???


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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Thu Jan 08, 2009 12:28 am

aku naik blur baca benda ni....
i do knott know watt they are saying.....
scratch scratch scratch drunken drunken drunken

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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Thu Jan 08, 2009 10:16 am

hahaha...punya la lama dok tanya menanya last2 tak kenal gak tiap sorg...hahaha Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:53 pm

satu hari sorg lelaki tua kaya yg nazak memberitahu isterinya....

suami: sblum kebumikan aku nak kau letak semua duit aku dlm keranda supaya ak bleh bwk bersama....

isteri: baiklah.....

pada hari kebumian sblm keranda dturunkan si isteri meletak 1kotak kecik d dlm keranda...
kwnnya terkejut melihatnya...
kmudian kwnnya bertanya...

kwn: betulkah kamu menurut wasiat si mati???

isteri: ya.... saya pindah smua duitnya kdlm akaun saya kemudian menukarnya kdlm bentuk cek...
sekiranya dia bleh tunaikan cek itu takpalah....

kwn: ???






p/s: agk2 dlm kubur ada dak bank??? XD

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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Sun Apr 19, 2009 1:22 pm

woisshh...xbaek woo tnya dlm kubur ada bank x...adoiiii
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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Sun May 17, 2009 12:30 pm

A mother is preparing her son for his first day of kindergarten, they were reviewing numbers and counting.

Suddenly he asked "what is the biggest number in the world?"

As briefly as possible, the mother tried to explain the concept of infinity.

she thought she had done pretty well, but then he said, "mom, what number comes just before infinity?"
lol!

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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Sun May 17, 2009 12:36 pm

During our computer class,
the teacher chastised one boy for talking to the girl sitting next to him.

"I was just asking her a question"the boy said

"if you have a question, ask me"the teacher tersely replied.

"okay"he answered. "do you want to go out with me Friday night?"

Laughing Laughing Laughing

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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Sun May 17, 2009 12:55 pm

Man: how much do you charge?

Lawyer: i get $150 for three questions

Man: that awfully steep, isn't it? Shocked

Lawyer: yes, it is... Now, what's your final question? Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Mon Sep 28, 2009 7:47 pm

) Jilat-jilat bila dah basah baru cucuk, jilat-jilat bila dah basah baru cucuk

) Banyak-banyak bas, bas apa yang pandai

) Banyak-banyak mi, mi apa yang boleh makan ngan ais

) Kenapa anjing kencing angkat sebelah kaki

) Apa perbezaan lampu stadium ngan lampu bilik

) Apa binatang, badan kecik macam semut tapi mata besar "bulb" mentol

) Mana lagi tua, motorsikal ke kereta?

) Kangkang peluk, kangkag peluk, bila dah dekat climax pegang buah

) Ahmad bin Abu, kambing bin apa?

) Bagaimana nak bezakan ikan betina ngan ikan jantan?

fikir fikirkan lah ye Idea
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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:32 pm

ak thu num 2 n 9 je

2)bas universiti ,bas skolah etc

9)binatang kot..

tuh jew ryg ak t'pkir

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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:11 pm

3...milo
4...klau dia angkat dua2 blah dia jatoh la....
hahaha btol tak?? Razz Razz Razz
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PostSubject: Re: Lawak Jenaka   Today at 11:19 am

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